Today, I had to tell my students that tomorrow might be my last day of school. It wasn’t easy. I passed out the second half of their quiz (it had to be split in two because the copy machine broke and no one knew when it would be fixed… glorious Thailand), wrote a quick email, walked around to observe and assist, took one student’s test because I caught her cheating (first time I have EVER had to do that in my whole, still green teaching career), collected the quizzes after twenty minutes, and then before redistributing them to be corrected, I broke the news.
I told it like it was, explaining contracts (new vocabulary word!) and visas (old vocabulary word- they know about all my runs for the border!) and how the school made a big big mistake and we don’t know if they can fix it. And that maybe everything will be okay, but maybe I will have to go to Malaysia, get my tourist visa, and then only work for the rest of the month, and then go back to the United States. I tried to tell them in…. as comfortable a way as possible… if that makes any sense. Trying not to reveal any emotion because I didn’t want my kids to think something was sorely wrong with their school or with me. Just explain the situation, and tell them we are trying to solve it, but that I might have to go somewhere and not be there anymore.
The truth is right now I am overflowing with emotion about this. The truth is there is something sorely wrong with their school. Today I was bullied into signing a contract I didn’t agree with because my employers promised me something and then kept pushing it back and back and back until I had one day left before my visa expired (and my contract had already been expired for 16 days.) They waited until the last possible hour (no joke- they waited until 2pm, and all the government offices I needed to go to closed at 3) to tell me that they changed their mind about what to pay me, but that I needed to sign because they had to get my paperwork down to immigration and the education office to process as soon as possible.
What I don’t think they were expecting was for me to tell them that I would have to quit. “I am sorry,” I said, “But what’s happening here is not right. It makes me so sad, but, I think, I have to quit.” The director looked down at his hands and all of a sudden became engrossed with something inside the drawer he had just opened. The Thai principal said, “Allison, is there any way you can stay? Because I think next year it will be better. I talked to the students yesterday. Pae, Jaja, for example. They say how much they love you and you make them learn. They say you make this school very good for them. Please, could you reconsider.”
It was never about the money for me. It was about the experience. I mean that, and I am being truthful- no one comes to Thailand expecting to make bank and take it home with them to the U.S. or England or Australia (Or even Canada... only teasing, Canadian readers.) The fight I have been fighting, it's about the principle (and the principal!- see? Even when I'm down, I'm not without a sense of humor.) In February, our school lost its principal. We didn’t get a new one until July 31. In the interim, I filled the position, splitting duties with the Thai principal, all the while teaching classes too. I had absolutely no idea what I was walking into, but I did it. And I tried to make the best out of it that I possibly could- it was a learning experience for me, it was a challenge. Bottom line: I had needs that needed to be met, and I hoped my employer would work to meet them in the same way I busted my behind to help them as much as I possibly could. I could go into it a little bit more, maybe to clarify things a bit, but frankly, I am exhausted and my spirit is a bit wilted at the moment.
I wish I could say my experience here was unique or special, but I know it’s not. It’s not even just Thailand. It’s being an educator right now. It’s taking chances with anything. You put your heart and soul into something that you love, and have expectations. Budget cuts, new governments, new policies, whatever. And the worst part is those who suffer the most are the kids.
So, I went upstairs to the gym and played dodgeball with the seventh graders and Teacher Meaghan, phoned a lifeline and talked it out. This school is really fragile right now, and I know what will happen if I leave right now. I just can’t do it. I don’t want to leave the school this way and I don’t want to give up on something I believe in- It’s not in me, it’s not who I am. I signed my contract. And now, I await the apparent expedited visa/work permit processing that will take place tomorrow. The vice-mayor is going to take care of all of it for me, he says. I hope I made the right choice.
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