Going, Going, Gone.

This is Plah Thu. Plah Thu is Thai for Mackerel, and she was named by Ink,
an 8th grader at our school. Plah Thu enjoys running like a crazy dog in the rain and has
kind of become a mascot at NICS. She is there all the time, and this is
a picture of her watching me as I drove away on my last day.

And so it’s official. My passport’s been stamped and I’ve left Thailand. “When you come back? How many days?” “Not come back. Going to Indonesia and then home to America.” And so he took a good look at my multiple entry visa, wrote something down, and I walked through immigration. And I didn’t look back. I sort of wish I had.

During takeoff, I didn’t look anywhere but out the window- out at the snaking, wide brown rivers winding through the dark dark green land, opening up into the sea- until we were high above the clouds and there was nothing left to look at but white.

Bell left our school halfway through the semester, and gave this to her
EP teacher at her new school to give to me. Melted my heart. 

I can’t seem to get my students out of my head. How do people do it? Maybe the more you leave, the easier it gets, but for me right now, it’s hard. It’s a little bit selfish… or maybe egocentric. I think in my mind, I matter a lot more to them than I really do, which makes sense. For one year, they were my life. They have seen teachers come and go, as they and we will all continue to have people enter and exit our lives. I don’t want them to forget about me. One thing about working with older children/young adults is that they get it. They know that they won’t be seeing you tomorrow, just like adults get it. But what’s hard for them to understand is why you’re doing it- were they not good enough, not smart enough, why couldn’t I stay for them? I learned this, painfully, on by last day of work before coming to Thailand, when I tearfully left the girls I nannied standing at their front door, also crying. It was so painful. My students are older than the girls I nannied, a little wiser because of their age, and accustomed to it, but I know it wasn’t easy for some of them. And it wasn’t easy for me to say goodbye to any of them. I really hope to see/visit them again, that this goodbye is not forever.

Goodbye, cozy little apartment.

My last night was spent with (almost) all the people nearest and dearest to my heart in Nakhon. For whatever reason, we pushed ourselves to stay awake until the wee hours of morning, and while we were all absolutely dragging, rubbing our eyes, yawning, and ready to go home, we didn’t because, at least for me, that meant goodbye. I wasn’t ready for that. Goodbyes are never fun or easy.

It didn’t seem real until I had my bags outside my apartment door. I  looked around my (now Bliss’s) apartment, wondered if I was forgetting anything… and then BAM! It hit me. I would never be coming back to this place as I know it now. I felt very alone, dragging my life- which pathetically fits into one carry-on that’s so stuffed it must be checked, one duffel, and one backpack- down the four flights of stairs. I said goodbye to my lovely landlady, who scurried inside her house and came out with a gift- “For you, my daughter bring back from Chiang Mai. You come back, maybe. I like you. You like my daughter. Okay?”

My Landlady. Couldn't have
asked for a better one. 

Living abroad is spectacular. It provides you with this whole different perspective. The people you meet, the life you live, the things you learn, the ways you grow. But really, just LIVING is spectacular, no matter where it’s done, as long as you remember to embrace every triumph, every failure, every experience, and extract from it as much as you can.

My View of Nakhon from "My" Balcony

I don’t know what it will be like when I go home, and all kinds of feelings are swirling around inside of me. Don’t get me wrong- I am definitely looking forward to it. While there are so many reasons to love Thailand, there are also so many reasons I am excited to be done with it. I miss my family and my friends from home dearly. But I have found this amazing new thing that I am not necessarily planning on giving up, and I wonder just how long I’ll be satisfied when I go home. I’m not really sure if that makes sense… I’m feeling a little anxious about getting “trapped”- there are so many places I would like to go in my life, places I never ever considered before. But there are also so many other things I want to do, like making a real home for myself, getting married, having babies… (not right now, but eventually!)… And as someone who likes a plan, I have to wonder: How will I possibly fit all of that in? Will I get to go everywhere I want to go, be everything I want to be, do everything I want to do in this lifetime? Probably not, but I will absolutely try.

Below are photos from the last day of school. My videos of the students' performances (which were hilarious- there was a rendition of Romeo and Juliet where Santa came in and brought the lovers back to life by breathing on them with his minty fresh breath that made our take on 'Twas the Night Before Christmas seem almost holy) are stuck on my memory card for now, so these will have to do.

Students at the special holiday buffet

My Plate... Mashed Potatoes! Turkey! And of course,
Chicken Satay and "Salad".

Teachers enjoying the meal

Pon. Cutest little Christmas Elf.

Mischevious Sua

Haha, oh Dome.

Teacher Meaghan is the only one who is enthused about
donning Holiday attire.

Put, always festive!

How many photos do I have of these two, Nangfar and
Ked, in this exact pose?

7th and 8th grade

Peet, all alone and being "grinchy"

Goett, with his father smiling proudly
in the background!

Me and my girls!

Me and Techit

Some of my 7th Grade Ladies

I WILL MISS THEM SO MUCH!!!

"Thankful for a Good Time" - Pete, 7th Grade

It was EXACTLY one year ago, to the day, that I interviewed for a teaching position here in Thailand. And then exactly four days after that, I bought my one-way ticket to Thailand, leaving LAX the night of January 1, 2011, and arriving in BKK on January 3^rd.  It is almost scary how fast a year seems to just happen.

Yesterday, for our bi-weekly quick-write warm-up activity (who doesn’t like hyphens?), in keeping with my American traditions because I’m a little sad I’m not participating in the gargantuan Thanksgiving feast taking place at home, I had the students write about things they are Thankful for.

I got some pretty good responses. In fact, I have been getting some pretty good writing in general from my students. Their writing and language abilities are so much more developed than when I went to Malaysia with them in the summer. It’s just incredible. Obviously, they still have a long way to go, but just their ability to express themselves through writing has come so far… the grammar and punctuation and spelling will come. Here are some little excerpts from their quickwrites yesterday:

This was the first one I read... Very poetic. And, I like the double-duty
animals serve in her life- "I am thankful for you because first I
play with you, and then, I get to eat you and you make my belly full."

YES! Me too. I love this.

Pretty sure "hernomy" means "harmony," which makes this so sweet.
I feel the same way.

Pretty deep stuff from a 13-year old. She just came out of
a pretty rough relationship though.

Her whole quick-write was about being thankful for the fact
that Fate is not something that can be controlled by individuals
and how she knows that with every bad thing, there is something
to be learned and something beautiful that comes from it. 

Trying to find the good in everyone, knowing it's there somewhere.

My Thanksgiving was spent among other foreign Nakhon friends (American, Australian, British, and Canadian), eating chicken with gravy and mashed potatoes at a local place that serves western food and delicious boxed wine. I got to cuddle with and rock my friend’s adorable three-month old to sleep while laughing, telling jokes, sharing stories about life and love and friendship and traveling, and just smiling. It was good. At one point, I called for everyone’s attention and made them each say what it was they were thankful for. The non-Americans weren't quite sure what to make of it at first, but they really got into it. By the time everyone had shared, people were wanting to share again, and other diners in the restaurant were asked to participate. Shout-outs were given to the ones who had brought us here, and those who we have fond memories of but are no longer teachers in Nakhon. There really is so much to be thankful for, and it’s so easy to get caught up in the daily grind of life. Last night, I think, was an opportunity for all of us to count our blessings, both silently as we listened to others and aloud within the group. For many, this was their first Thanksgiving experience. I hope they enjoyed it as much as I did.

And now comes the mushy part...

What am I thankful for? This year I am especially grateful. Last year was HARD. Emotionally, I was drained. I felt like I had lost my spark- whatever it was inside me that made me me. It’s even hard looking back on it now- I still feel the residue of those feelings of discouragement, the feeling that I was failing in more than one facet of my life, and… all that I thought I wanted, all I thought I had attained, it seemed like it had crumbled right in front of me.

I am thankful for my mom and my dad. Cliché, I know, but clichés are clichés for a reason. Every year I am thankful that they are my parents. I count on them for so much. As much as I don’t always want to take it, I have learned that my father’s advice is generally pretty good. He was trying to get me here for months before I even considered it an option. And my mom, I also count on her for so much, and over the years, we have grown into great friends. And together (I don’t particularly think about how), they made me and my smart, funny, and loving sisters, who I am also thankful for.

And then there’s all the other crazies- my aunts, uncles, my GRANDMAS, cousins… approximately half of whom (my mother's half), led by my best friend, thought it would be appropriate to call me at MY 4:00am today, then gave me grief for 1) not having the light on (“I’m in BED!”), 2) Looking like I just woke up ("Well, I DID!"), and then 3) screamed into skype that they couldn’t hear me (because THEY were all being too loud.) But I loved every minute of it. Our family is full of laughter and love. We’re strong. I am thankful all of them.

I am thankful for friendship. For the people who help me to be a better person, who love me unconditionally even when I'm crazy, and who I know I can count on, whether we are next door to each other  or on opposite sides of the world. People at home and here. I came here not really thinking about the relationships I would make, but I am leaving valuing them in the most important way.

Being Thankful in The Land of Thai: I am thankful for som tom, for my brief affair with Pizza Man (the restaurant, NOT the man himself, thank you),  Kao Pad Moo, Thai chicken eggs,  Tom Kha Gai, the little dog the students have named Plah Thu (Mackerel) that loves to run around our school in the rain, warm weather, the most beautiful beaches,  skype, being able to travel…

Not everyone gets to travel and see the world.  I am lucky and grateful, because this year, I have done this all while doing something I love: teaching. I love teaching because I love learning and I love kids, and I like being a part of those two things coming together. Watching as a student reaches that “Aha!” moment- it is excellence. I am so thankful for my students- they make me laugh, they make me love teaching that much more, and they challenge me to think outside the box.  It can be hard, and it can be frustrating, but it can be done. They help me to learn things about myself and about what it means to be an educator AND a human being. Lately, while they’ve been working independently on projects, I have been looking at them and thinking about the fact that after these last two weeks, it is likely that I will never see them again. I get it, but that doesn’t make it any less hard. I am thankful for the time I have had with them, and hope that I will get to see them as grown-ups someday, being amazing out in the world.

Another cliché: This journey has changed my life. And I am so thankful for that. I’m me, but better, stronger. 

Thanksgiving.....