This Must Be The Place...

Gili T. Sunset, Gili Islands, Indonesia

So I have been home for one month. Exactly. And I have been wondering what to do with this blog. Do I abandon it and let it float stagnantly in the abyss that is the interweb? Do I keep writing? I had one friend tell me, “Sorry, and no offense, but if you keep writing, I won’t keep reading. I don’t want to hear about your non-adventures in teaching in California.” Okay. Noted. Maybe I’ll continue writing, and maybe I won’t. It was a good thing, and now it’s over. Sometimes, you need to quit while you’re ahead, right? Oh, by the way, am I ahead? I don't even know what that means.

But, I feel like I need to write something. For myself, maybe, a kind of reflection and closure. Because that is what I realized I do unintentionally anyway: Look back and analyze. Sometimes too much. SO…

I left off with my departure from Thailand. That was followed immediately with a return trip to Bali for what I like to call a little decompression time. I have said this already (multiple times), but I have a thing with transitions- especially when it comes to big changes in my life, and I thought this would make it a little bit easier- going to one of my favorite places in the whole world (thus far) before coming home. My opinion? I was right- it was a good thing for me to do.

Nusa Lembongan

On the 12^th, I arrived in Denpasar and then took a taxi to Sanur, where I had a day and night to myself before my friend/current (and former) housemate met me there. I had received an email from her a couple months before leaving, saying she would love to meet in Bali and then fly back to California with me. I responded by saying I would also love this, and she booked her tickets and it was a done deal! Then, once she arrived, we explored Sanur for a night and a day together until another friend, who currently lives in Korea, met up with us. Once all three of us were together, the Bali Adventure began. Some of what we did was a repeat for me, but that didn’t make it any less interesting. I still loved every minute on that island! Some new additions were an excursion to Nusa Lembongan for a night, where we rented motorbikes and went to this amazing beach a friend from Thailand told me was an absolute MUST-SEE. She was right. Dream Beach. It was breathtaking- the color of the water and the giant waves made this beach the most spectacular one I’ve seen in Indonesia. We also went back to the Gilis- the place where I got sick on the last trip and didn’t really get to experience. A friend from China who currently lives and teaches on Java came to meet us on our last day in Bali. This also happened to be Pat’s birthday, so we went out for a night of festivities- it was full of laughter and karaoke and a combination of people from various parts of my life (and some random karaoke participants, obviously.) It was a perfect ending to our trip.

The beautiful rice fields of Bali

Leaving Bali was kind of activity-filled and I didn’t really have time to sit and dwell on this final portion of my big adventure abroad. Ashley and I ate sushi (my first time in a year!) at this little Japanese restaurant in the Denpasar airport (it was actually REALLY good, and there are practically no good places to eat once you get inside customs, FYI) and were were having such a leisurely lunch we almost missed our plane. It was not frustrating but hilarious, especially when they pulled me aside because I had a “pocket knife” in my carry-on. We had already missed final boarding call, but it didn't matter. The airport security professional made me pull out EVERYTHING in every pocket of my backpack. At the end, when clearly there was no pocket knife to be found, she picked up my external hard drive and said, “What’s this?” I told her and she said, “Oh. We thought this was a weapon.” Seriously? Ah, Asia.

My housemate/friend Ashley being attacked
(In the most loving way possible for
Macacques, of course)

I had intense anxiety due to my excitement when we landed. Seeing my family as we came out of customs made my heart swell up. I was home. We walked out to the car and drove away from SFO, which was beautifully decorated for Christmas, and it just kind of kept sinking in. And yet, at the same time, it didn’t feel so drastic as I had imagined.

A lot (and nothing, if you can fathom this odd dichotomy) has happened since I have been back. I’ve seen most of my friends, and a lot of my family. This was mostly due to the time of year that I chose to come home and the little coming home party my sisters, best friend, and parents threw for me two days after I arrived. Some examples of happenings in my present life:
One of my nearest and dearest friends asked me to be co-MOH in her upcoming wedding, and of course I accepted and am so excited for her. Always blonde, the day after I got home I dyed my hair dark brown. And I love it! Huge change for me though- for someone who likes to gradually ease into things, especially.  My youngest sister turned 18! I've purchased running shoes. (Yes, you read that correctly. RUNNING shoes. But I also purchased a yoga mat in Thailand. We'll see what happens. Me and exercise? Oil and water.) I've tasted some delicious wine. I've eaten oysters and spent some time out at the coast. I just got back from a little trip down to Orange County, California to visit my dad’s side of the family, my main reason being to see my grandma. I spent almost all of Sunday with her, and loved every minute. It was actually nice driving the I-5 down and back to do this- it was nostalgic (aw, Hello stinky cows at Harris Ranch! I almost forgot about you!) and it gave me some time to clear my head and think about… well, everything.

We could learn a lot from these little nuggets.
Sacred Monkey Forest, Ubud, Indonesia

It’s really strange. People have been asking me how it is to be back. They’ve been asking me this since the DAY I got back. So it’s a silly question really. But this is the answer I’ve been giving: It’s kind of like I just stepped right back into my old life, and picked up where I left off. Nothing has changed drastically. It’s like it’s all been sitting right here, waiting for my return. And Thailand and my adventures abroad may very well have been a dream. I don’t say this and mean it in an insulting way, as if I think that time stood still for me and no one changed or progressed within their own lives while I was gone. I just mean it for my own personal universe. And in some ways, it’s very anti-climactic. And in others, it’s extremely comforting. And in still others, it’s somewhat distressing. 

A cold Winter's day from my living room window.
N. California

Another question I get a lot is: So what are you going to do now? Well. I guess the simple answer is: I’m going to keep living? Doesn’t that sound like a good idea? I am currently interviewing for positions, and as of today, I think I have my job secured for at least the next year. I have some new ideas about where I want to go and what I want to do in my career and in my life. And I don’t know that I want to teach in California. Ever. But maybe I do. I think this last part is a little hard to stomach for some. It was for me too, as I slowly began to admit to myself that maybe I didn’t want to jump immediately onto this path when I came back. It’s for a lot of reasons, but none of them have to do with not loving being an educator. Because I do love it. And I think I will just leave it at that for now. And this: People constantly tell me that it’s a shame that I might not teach, because “California needs good teachers.” I couldn’t disagree with this statement more. California has plenty of well-qualified, passionate educators. Lack of educators is not the issue. It’s California’s educational system that is keeping the teachers and consequently the students from fulfilling their potential. California’s educational system and the political/economic situation it is currently being banded by is what is the real shame. So I’m not giving up on my passion. I am just trying to brainstorm other ways to succeed, satisfy it, and make a difference. Meanwhile, I am also thinking about how to make sure I always get to travel and explore new places.

It's not like I didn't wash my bathers while I was in Thailand.
This was the grime that came from them when I washed
them here. DISGUSTING!

Things I have learned over the past year:

1.    1.  Always, always, always look back. Look back to process, to reflect, to learn, and to move on. Don’t forget where you’ve come from and what you’ve been through. Don't dwell on it. Rather just think about what it has taught you and where you're going to progress from your current point because of it.

2.     2. I am good at what I do.

3.     3. When I push myself out of my comfort zone, it’s good. Sometimes it ends badly, but sometimes it doesn’t. And I always come out stronger. After I look back, of course. AND, I still need to push myself more. I'm still a little too cautious.

An example of moving out of my comfort zone. Broken, rickety old bridge? No problem. Just walk out on the bridge and jump around a little. If it doesn't break, drive across and see what happens. We did and we were a-okay!

This was from my first meal. It just happened.
Not expected, but more of out of necessity.
And I loved it. And apparently, Taco Bell had been
waiting patiently for my return.

4.     4. I have learned A LOT about how schools become accredited, what it takes to make an educational institution succeed (and fail), and the value of a strong school community.

5.    5.  I have become and continue to need to be more open. Be open to change, new ideas, different people, cultures, and beliefs. You might not agree, but you can learn a lot about how others think and get yourself outside the box and put things into perspective.

....and last, but definitely not least:
6. The United Kingdom is called the United Kingdom for a reason- it is a country that consists of four other countries: England, Scotland, Wales, and N. Ireland. (Maybe this is well-known everywhere, but I didn’t know it. And I think a lot of other ‘Mericans don’t know it either.

6.     I’ve actually learned a lot more than this, about things like being happy, responsibilities and obligations versus doing something because you want to, other people, platypuses, myself, education, teaching, travel, food, the value of life, life versus living, flora, fauna, friends, family, hemispheres, cockroaches… just a lot. I’m just saying, I think my brain has a lot of new wrinkles in it. These were just the first 5 that popped into my brain as I was writing. And I am thankful for it all. I also tried something else new with the beginning of 2012. I didn't make any New Year's resolutions. 

Think About It.