The Land of Thai ... and I: My Obsession. And A Spelling Bee.

FACT: A group of crows is called a MURDER.

FACT: A group of owls is called a PARLIAMENT.

FACT: A group of cockroaches is called an INTRUSION.

(If you're interested in learning about what other groups of animals are called, click here,

But read my blog first.)

Just in case you missed my second-to-last post about cockroaches because my incredibly long Land of Northern Thai post overshadowed it: La Cucaracha!

I am hoping you read it because 1) it’s good, and 2) it will help you understand in greater depth what’s happening with my relationship to these little creatures and this post.

Here's the latest update:

On Friday, I found COCKROACH EGGS in my desk. I was digging through my drawer at work, looking for an eraser. And I noticed these 2 things that looked like little coffee beans in my plastic paper clip container. I knew they couldn’t be coffee beans because that’s not something I’ve ever kept in my desk, believe it or not. I don’t drink coffee and even if I did, it’s this instant Nescafe stuff they give to teachers and faculty to use, so a whole bean wouldn’t ever even exist in school.

Cockroach Eggs:
The ones I found looked like American/Oriental.

The principal came in to my room to talk to me right after I made this little discovery, and so I interrupted his very important news about teachers, salaries, the city, and education to discuss my very important problem.

“What are these?” I asked.

“Hmm. They look like-“

“Are they COCKROACH EGGS???” I interrupted again.

He laughed. “Maybe.” And then he grabbed a pencil from my pencil jar and poked one and it shot out of the paper clip container and onto my desk.

“Blech!” I jumped out of my seat.

And he screamed. “Wow. That makes me feel like a man right there.”

Then he told me, “You know what they look like? Purses. Women’s purses- you know, the little clutch ones.”

“And you were worried about the previous outburst being unmanly?” I teased him.

I have never seen cockroach eggs before. I don’t know how cockroaches reproduce, where they do it, when, or how many little cockroaches/cockroach larvae or whatever come out of one cockroach egg . But I just felt like that’s what they were. And I had to hand it to Mama Cockroach. She chose a very safe place. I hardly ever use paperclips, and therefore never dig into that little container. I think cockroaches are smarter than we give them credit for.

Anyhow, I knew not what these little coffee bean-like things were, so I did what I do best and researched extensively on Google. And now, all those things I didn’t know before about cockroaches, I now know. Sometimes, when you are scared of something, it’s usually because it’s foreign and unknown. Humans are terrified of that which they know nothing about, like what happens after you die, or the possibility of a plane crashing while you’re flying, for example. And sometimes the best thing to do is to learn more about it. When you learn that more people die in car crashes than plane crashes, and that a car crash is wayyyyy more likely than a plane crash, and all the other little facts, it doesn’t seem quite as scary.

Well, this is NOT what happened for me when I learned more about cockroaches. I just got more squeamish. I don’t know why they are consuming my free thoughts. I do know that anything in large groups freaks me out after a while. One ant is okay, but them swarming all over a crumb is disgusting. One cockroach in my classroom can be a fluke, but seeing at least 2 a day and then finding eggs?!? This is excruciating for me. I began having these visions of them hatching in my desk, crawling all over my scissors, my stapler, my sunglasses… these little white baby cockroaches. This, my friends, is one thing I will not miss about Thailand. Yes, it’s true, we have cockroaches in California. But unless you’re on a dirty street in China Town in San Francisco or digging through a dumptser outside a restaurant, or staying in the dorms at Claremont-McKenna (I did once for leadership), you aren’t likely to see one. Then, when you do, that’s just it- it’s only one. Only one spider in the corner. Only one snake slithering across a wall (yes, this has happened- it was green and beautiful and not at all scary.) Only one macacque in the jungle. It’s when there’s a large gathering- I can’t take it.

And listen, I know people around the world have it much worse than me. And for these people, cockroaches are probably the least of their concerns. I understand that and appreciate it. But it doesn’t change my feelings.

So, I cleaned my desk. I placed them (without touching them) on this paper that I was planning to take to the toilet and then flush. And then, do you know what happened?! I accidentally hit the paper with a ruler and the little disgusting eggs went FLYING OFF MY DESK. And onto the floor. And the floor is black and white speckled. And I couldn’t find them to save my life. And then my visions of them hatching inside my classrooms returned. And then the principal found one and smashed it with his shoe. And it made this disgusting crunching noise- it sounded wet. Ugh. And then I had baby cockroach egg guts all over my floor.

Sometimes, you just can’t win. I am just so glad I have only ever had one cockroach in my apartment- and I found him because he had climbed onto my lint roller and got stuck. Sucker. And a friend happened to be visiting and he took care of it. I spray regularly, and keep it clean. And I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this will be enough until I leave.

On another note, I have had an excellent, productive, well-rested weekend. We had a dinner party on Friday and I made the main dish, and people loved it, which made me feel good. And I learned a new dinner-party game: Telenary? A cross between pictionary and telephone. We laughed so hard, and it was so good.

It had a billboard like a red-carpet
event. Clearly, we took full
advantage of this.

I said a while back that I would post photos from the spelling be that I officiated, so here they are. It was recorded and will be shown on Thai TV sometime soon- I want to say November 1^st. But I’m not sure. And the editor of the English magazine that coordinated and sponsored the event at Wailalak University also asked if I would be interested in either editing or writing pieces for his Bangkok-based publication, which was flattering and an exciting prospect. I just heard back from him about this, but everything will be taking place after the new year, when I will be back in the states. Still, it has made me start thinking about other avenues I could explore.